Whether you're doing a
full-on formal affair or tying the knot barefoot on the beach, chances are you're
including tradition in your wedding. Wearing white, tossing the bouquet, and even going on
a honeymoon have roots in ancient beliefs. If you've ever wanted to know the whys behind
the ways we marry, here's your chance. Below, 14 top wedding customs, explained.
THE WEDDING PARTY (ATTENDANTS)
Long ago, getting married was even tougher than it is today -- the groom had to literally
steal the bride from her family and dash her off to the altar. This was the process even
if the families (and more importantly, the bride) agreed to the marriage. Initially only
the groom had attendants -- their job was to defend him against anyone who might try to
steal his bride. In later years, the bride chose female escorts -- the bridesmaids -- who
would protect her and her dowry against suitors and robbers while she was on her way to
meet her groom. In some places, notably rural English villages, the bride and her
attendants still walk to the ceremony together. Depending on how far from your site you
live, you can do it, too.
ATTENDANTS DRESSED IDENTICALLY
Keeping evil spirits away from the couple on their wedding day is a recurring theme in
wedding tradition. If your attendants complain about having to wear the exact same thing
(although these days, of course, they don't have to match!), tell them this: The
bridesmaids used to wear the exact same outfit as the *bride* so that evil spirits would
be confused as to just who the actual couple was.
WEARING WHITE
The ancient Romans chose white as their color of celebration over 2,000 years ago. And as
hard as it is to believe, it wasn't always worn for weddings. It wasn't until the
Victorian era when Queen Victoria wore white when she married her beloved Prince Albert
that white wedding dresses became all the rage. In those days, white meant purity and
virginity, but today it is again the color of joy and celebration -- which means that any
bride can wear it, whether it's her first wedding or her fifth.
THE RING
The circular shape of your wedding ring symbolizes never-ending love. Gold represents
enduring beauty, purity, and strength, all appropriate marriage sentiments. Why do we wear
the ring on the third finger of the left hand? The ancient Egyptians believed that the
vein in that finger ran directly to the heart. As for that big rock of an engagement ring,
we have the king of Germany to thank for that. In 1477 he offered his beloved a diamond as
a betrothal gift -- the first recorded diamond engagement ring.
SOMETHING OLD, NEW, BORROWED, BLUE
The tradition of the bride wearing something old (for continuity), new (optimism for the
future), borrowed (borrowed happiness), and blue (fidelity, good fortune, and love) on her
wedding day stems from an Old English rhyme.
THE VEIL
Brides originally wore veils to stave off evil spirits. The veil was often red (for
defiance against evil), or yellow (for Hymen, the god of marriage). Martha Washington's
daughter is said to have been the first bride to wear white lace, covering her heard with
a long lace scarf for her ceremony. Her fiance had previously commented on her beauty as
she stood behind a lace window curtain, and she went with it -- as have millions of other
brides.
NOT SEEING EACH OTHER PRE-CEREMONY
In the early days of arranged marriages, the bride and groom often never saw each other at
*all* before the wedding. Even after couples were already acquainted before they married,
it was still considered bad luck for the groom to glimpse the bride pre-ceremony; she
would not be pure and new. Neither was the bride supposed to see *herself* -- it was
believed that if she saw her reflection she would leave some of herself behind in the
mirror. (Brides today probably wouldn't take too well to not being able to preen before
the wedding!) These days, many couples still uphold the not-seeing-each-other tradition.
Others throw caution to the wind and spend time alone together pre-ceremony to calm their
nerves or enjoy the excitement together.
THE FLOWERS
Early Roman brides carried bunches of herbs, most often rosemary, to symbolize fidelity,
fertility, and scare off evil spirits. The Greeks carried ivy, symbolizing endless love.
The Victorians were fascinated with the meanings of different blooms, and they popularized
the wedding rose, which represented true love.
BRIDE TO THE GROOM'S LEFT
In the days of marriage by capture, the groom had to constantly defend himself against
rival suitors -- even when the couple was already at the altar, set to say their vows!
Therefore, the groom needed his right hand (his sword hand) free to fight. The bride stood
at his left, safe from any random sword swoosh! (This is a Christian custom; in Jewish
weddings, the bride stands on the groom's right.)
THE KISS
In ancient Rome a kiss sealed a contract, so your smooch at the altar is, in away,
legaling binding. The belief we like better (it's so much more romantic): When a couple
kiss, part of their soul is exchanged.
THE BOUQUET AND GARTER TOSS
The bride originally tossed her bouquet to a friend as she left the festivities to keep
that person safe (the warding off evil spirits thing) and to offer her luck -- since
getting lucky in those days meant getting married. This came to mean that the single woman
who caught the bouquet would marry next. (If you're not thrilled with the implications of
this custom, feel free to give your bouquet to your sister or an engaged friend or
relative privately, or forego it altogether!) The origins of the garter toss are humorous
- guests would literally rip off pieces of the bride's gown for luck, so to defend herself
she began to throw her garter to them! These days, the groom removes it from her leg (as
innocently as possible, we're sure) and tosses it to his bachelor pals.
THE CAKE
The Romans would break a bun over the bride's head - the wheat promised fertility. In the
17th century, a French baker decided to frost a stack of buns - creating the world's first
tiered wedding cake!
THE THRESHOLD
The groom traditionally lifts the bride over the threshold of their new home (or
wedding-night hotel room) so that evil spirits lurking in the floorboards won't be able to
get to her! Roman brides would let themselves be dragged over the threshold to demonstrate
their reluctance to leave their father's home.
THE HONEYMOON
Medieval newlyweds would spend a month alone together, enjoying mead, a fermented honey
drink (honey is an ancient symbol of life, health, and fertility) until the moon waned,
hence the term honeymoon. Unfortunately, today's honeymooners rarely get a month off after
the wedding!
-- Tracy L. Guth
Groom Traditions:
Wedding Customs Explained
Wondering what's up with this
wedding superstition nonsense? Actually, much of it had practical origins. Read on for the
411.
GROOMSMEN
Why do you need groomsmen? After all, you *could* hold the ring yourself. But in ancient
times, most marriages were accomplished when the groom literally captured the bride and
fended off her family in the process. If her family was extra angry, he probably needed
buddies to help him out.
DECORATING THE GETAWAY CAR
Wondering why best men have traditionally insisted on tying tin cans to the back of the
newlyweds' getaway car? The custom is thought to bring good luck: The noise frightens away
evil spirits.
THE HONEYMOON
Once again, this harks back to the ancient days of bride capture. Once a man captured his
bride, he needed to take her away for a length of time. Presumably, when the two returned,
everyone was ready to acknowledge their union.
Something Old, New, Borrowed and
Blue
One of the last things to do
right before you say "I do" is get together your something old, something new,
something borrowed, and something blue. The tradition comes from an Old English rhyme
(which starts, as you would expect, "Something Olde, Something New, Something
Borrowed, Something Blue..."), and the four objects that the bride adds to her
wedding outfit or carries with her on the big day are simply added good-luck charms. Don't
stress too much about them -- these are the little tokens of love your mother, sister,
and/or other relatives and your attendants will present you with at the eleventh hour
(although you can give them to yourself, too). And as you'll see below, you can definitely
stretch the definitions a bit! Folllowing is a list of great ideas for each rhyme, plus
what each part means. Now, go be inspired!
SOMETHING OLD: CONTINUITY
A piece of lace from
your great-grandmother's wedding dress sewn into your hem
An old
coin from your country of ancestry tucked into your shoe
Your
parents' wedding photo carried in your purse
Your
great aunt's veil
A vintage
wedding gown or dress
Your
grandfather's monogrammed handkerchief
Earrings
passed down through your family from bride to bride
The
little white suit your mom wore to City Hall when she married (either as your wedding
dress or as a going-away outfit)
A picture
of you as a little girl that you've never seen before
Your
grandmother's locket or brooch
A love
letter from your father that your mother saved
An
amazing bottle of aged wine from your parents
Your
great-grandparents' wedding portrait on display at the reception
A
historic mansion as your wedding site
A
heirloom engagement ring/wedding band
SOMETHING NEW: OPTIMISM FOR THE FUTURE
A pearl
necklace (a gift from your groom-to-be?)
An
evening bag from your MOH
A new
charm for your charm bracelet
A pretty
makeup bag
A great
new shade of lipstick
Highlights
in your hair (experiment months before the wedding to make sure you like them!)
Silk
stockings
A pretty
sun parasol (to keep you bridal white on a hot wedding day)
A
fragrance you've never worn before
A guest
book with enough room on each page for guests to write personal notes to you and your new
husband
A pair of
champagne flutes for you and the groom to toast your marriage with
A
Wonderbra
Your
wedding portrait, to hang on your wall post-honeymoon
A
newlywed apartment or house
A
fabulous bikini for the honeymoon
A great
going-away outfit
SOMETHING BORROWED: BORROWED HAPPINESS
Your
mother's wedding dress
Your
sister's strapless bustier
Earrings
owned by your mother-in-law to-be
A
necklace owned by a friend who couldn't make it to the wedding
Your
grandmother's prayer book
Your best
friend's sequined evening bag
Your
aunt's white faux-fur stole
A
relative's or close friend's vintage (or just way cool) car to get you to the church on
time
A poet's
words to include in your vows
Your
father's nerves of steel (to get through the day in one piece!)
Your aunt
and uncle's timeshare in Hawaii for the honeymoon
Your
parents' first-dance song
Your
grandparents' country club (for the reception)
Your
parents' backyard (for the entire wedding)
A bloom
or two from Grandma's garden (to carry down the aisle)
SOMETHING BLUE: FIDELITY, GOOD FORTUNE, AND LOVE
Your
shoes
Nail
polish (on your toes if you're not quite that bold)
Sapphire
earrings
Your
garter
Eyeshadow
(try a smoke blue)
A silk
wrap
An
organza ribbon to wrap around your bouquet holder
Barrettes
or a headband (in lieu of or with a veil)
Lingerie
Your
purse
An
underskirt or petticoat (in powder blue, perhaps)
A tiny
blue heart sachet (tucked into your bra or purse)
A small
blue ribbon tied around your finger to remind you to live life with love always
Blue
appliques on your veiling
A tiara
with blue stones
Blue silk
flowers at the back waist or hem of your gown
A piece of lace from
your great-grandmother's wedding dress sewn into your hem 
An old
coin from your country of ancestry tucked into your shoe
